3/12/08

Feeling kind of low morale and fraustrated over myself. Low morale because of my bad memory. Kind of feel stupid and y i didnt use my brain? Thing r so simple yt i cant do a simple job!! Really can used 1 word to describe myself. Idiot! Doubting on my working capacability! Am i so suck or i just simply didnt use my brain at all? Been feeling kind of giving up on this job and look for other job. Doesnt matter if i cant get the same kind of salary i have now. Feel like running away from the reality. I dont know how to face my working colleague.

i back again. Been a long time since i last update my blog since august till now. Bz wit my exam and after exam, i went for a short trip October with my friends to Genting. Gosh, so many things have changed since my last visit there. Did have fun with my friends. So relaxing! Hope to have another trip soon with the same group of people again!



After my trip back from genting, i attended 2 weddings. Congra to the two couples. May the two couples stay lovely n happy always.

Time passes very fast, already coming to the end of the year. I juz get my result yesterday for the papers that i took in September. A total of 3 papers that i took. I quite happy and suprised that i managed to pass, althou i dont have "A", most importantly i pass that is more than enough! I not asking for more. :)

Hmm, suppose to write a blog for last month, but been bz wit things. Cant focus on my studies is what i been encounter during last month. No matter hw i tried to focus, i can never get myself focus on it. I reali worried as my exam for the 3 modules that i am taking. I sure to fail the 3 modules!! Till one of the saturday, my colleague asked mi to join her to a fortune teller @ old woodlands road. I thinking, since i cant focus my studies, juz go with her and take it as relax myself. When we reach there, my colleague asked mi if i want to give a try to see the fortune teller. As she told mi she is very accurate. So i juz join in.

Much to my suprise, what she say is really accurate!! I cant believe what she have say. She actually hit the nails of what i been hiding or worrying over. I nearly wanted to cry out when she say all the things. I appreciate the fortune teller understanding, she knew that i dont know how to tell her my thinking, yet her patient toward me smoothe my unstable mindset. She advise mi a lot of things. Most importantly, i got to learn to relax. No worry, i will listen to the advice, but in life, alot of thing i got to make decsion on myself. Cz it is my life. No matter how bad it is, i will try to solve it. I pray hard that everything will be smooth for mi.

Recently fren been asking if i interested to go for a short trip, i on for it. As my schedule is nt regular, a lot of time i cant meet up with thm, and causing serene and miao khim feel upset over the response. Sorry gals. I truely appreciate. And truely sorry abt that.I kind of miss the batam and bangkok trip that i have. Miss those days!!

Last,i so happy that someone actually want to buy a ring that i handmade myself.


This is the ring that i learnt from my dear fren and i really so happy that someone willing to pay for it!! I will work hard to do more better.

Been wanting to write thing on my blog, bt been tired and no mood to do so. These few days, i been feeling down. y? Because the feeling is back again. I feel so Nah men. Work have taken all ny time. No doubt my lady boss been cutting down the worker time. But i feel so empty in the sense tht i realised i dont know what is my hobby, interest is? And i feel quite leftout whenever i went out gathering with my friends. I been keeping quiet abt it, till last week, i really cant stand it, i call up my friend and talk abt it. I tot i will cry out aft talking out. But i didnt. Even if i cry, will only be a while. People may wonder y shld cry out? To me, giving out a loud cry will help mi to relieve in certain way. Will end here............. Actually gt more to write bt nt in the mood to write.....

27th May 2008

I'm back again. Last week is a hetic week for mi @ work. Me and my colleague can treat our working place as our home. We were so tired till we dont feel like going home that night. The following day, i suggest to my boss to add more helping hands when there's a section of orthdontics. I wonder hw i can manage counter, taking xrays, washing and casting of models. Thanks god, my colleague manage to help me to cast some as i too bz with all the things.

Yesterday was a busy day for me. The moment i step in the clinic, i bz all the way till lunch hour. 1 thing i find it damn idiot stupid that happen at the other clinic, that is playing with politic!! Basket!@$%& Are they too free or they are asking for a punch from pple?! Thing are so simple and pure, and yet things can so complicated juz by some1 twisting the words!! Damn it! $%@!

From its incident, although i am nt the one who kena it, but i will train myself up to a better person and not to let pple have chance to arrow mi. I dont wish to put a damn serious face with them.Cz my colleague actually saw mi in a serious mode, and she comment mi as a black face women. haha.

It is so fragile

As what i have quoted on my title. It is so fragile. Everything in this world is fragile. Be it relationship, friendship, kinship etc it is just a fine line in between. U can choose to protect it or mess it till the line is no longer there.

I truely came to understand one sentence, "Certain thing in life, you cant make it known to yr ex or person that you wanted to let the person know." Coz you will not know what will happen after the person who known abt it. The friendship may not be there anymore or both of them may not even contact each other. I truely understand how it feel..... It's better to hide everything or better is forget everything.

I shldnt have do it. I shldnt be so frank to the person. I shldnt!! It seem like i the one who destroy everything. Serve mi right!! I deserve it!! At times, i reali ask myself, Pearlina are you reali that stupid and navie? So many thing happen in this few years, didnt you learnt lesson from all these? Y are you so damn idiot!!
What the use of treasure fren so much? What the point? Hw do we define friend? Hw do we define activity partner,lovers and domestic partnership? IT IS SO DAMN COMPLICATED!! I reali tired. I want to let go everything.... i dont want to torture by all this. At times, i thought of cancel off my hp line, and live in the way that i want. Only friends who want to be in contact with mi, may juz call my hse. For those who dont wish to, can just forget abt mi. I just nobody. Doesnt matter whether my appearance make any difference to anyone.

Last but not least, there is something i want to say, live happily and hope thing goes smooth for you. There isnt any wrong tht you got high expectation. There isnt right or wrong when it comes to certain things.

A Raining Wednesday

I back to write something on my blog. A day whereby i suppose to off but i still need to back to work coz of implant case whereby other staff dont know how to run as a running nurse during implant as well as my colleague signal when she need one to do something. Coz doing implant is totally need to be clean, whereby nurses and doctors gloves need to be free from thing that are not autoclave before. Bt alas, today no implant is done due to plan change. Patient had a tooth that is slanted whereby it will block the way the implant screw to place in.

I must thank my friend who help mi to configure my laptop during last weekend. Thank dear. Thank for helping and even install a whole lot songs be it oldies or pop, i appreciate so much. You add life to my laptop. Once again thank you. Will buy sweets for you the next time when we meet up again to put in your car.

Sometime i really hope some one will come and say some words to motivate mi staying on my current workplace. Be it a tap on my shoulder and say; Pearlina, you did your best, doesnt matter if in between thing goes wrong, learn from it. Or simply juz a warm hug from my friends without saying anything from their mouth. That would be enough! Some time i feel like a idiot when it come to work. Or i totally no mood to work at all.

Shall end here.

Is it true? I nt sure....

Something that my colleague talked to mi on tuesday when i working with her. After we settle our patient and work, we sit down and chit chat.While chatting halfway, she asked mi how come i didnt heard you going out with your boyfriend and friend at night as i am still young? At my age, i should be enjoying night life and plan when to settle down? Beside work and study that what she know that these two are my daily routine in life. I understand she is being concern. After hearing, i keep quiet for a while... and i repiled back to her. I said i a low profile person, even if i got bf i guess only family and the friends that i always meet up will know. I do meet up with my usual gang of friends at times for movies,drinks and fun. And i told her that it not that i dont want to. Finding a boyfriend is not that easy as going to a market and buy vegetables. Of cz i do hope to find myself a bf too. She asked me, then you can asked your friends to intro guy to you right? Having saying that, i told her i heard people saying this to me a few times, i dont take it to heart. Leave it to fate.

After that she asked me to show my palm to her, if i dont mind. Of cz i wont. After seeing she said not bad lor but to let course take it nature. Bt too much worry in mind. Asked me to expand my circle of friends will help me in a certain ways. I say will try to expand my circle of friends.

After talking to her, my mind is nt stable. Is seem like it hit the nail! i know i learnt something after my last r/s some time back. Why of all the time when my mind seem to calm down and yet being poison by other! Haiz. Feel so insecure. I thought my mind is calm down wont get affect by what other say, bt alas it is nt!! Stupid Pearlina!!

Where is my stand? Am i getting more n more.......

On sat, i went to east coast park with my fren. I would say i so damn happy!! Although i know that i will sweat and sticky bt i wouldnt mind coz i been wanting to go. Sitting on a tent and listening to MP3 and reading a book, u can do whatever you like. It is really nice to do! The wind at night is so windy and make mi feel fresh! Looking at the sky, with so many stars shinning, it reali make mi feel so relaxed and dump all my stress and unhappy thing aside. Thank my fren. Thank for granting my wish. You may not gt to see this msg, bt still i want to say.... My dear fren, do tke care yourself.

Recently been getting more and more tired. I would like to say sorry to my fren Huiling, i sorry that a few time whn i arrange to meet up with u, i didnt make it a point to meet up with u. I feel so gulity to it.I do agree with what huiling has said in her blog. Sometime i wont want to tell my problem to someone else who you dont wish to tell to. It may be sum1 who u fall for b4 or fren that u always meet up with. Mayb at time i would disturb fren wit things that i can share with

I been thinking a lot. Should i stay on or leave the place? Should i give up looking for a new enviornment? Coz sent out a few resume, but seem no reponse. Market seem going slow. Will i be able to do thing that i want to try? Is my working ability so suck or juz average?? I dont think i am up to the standard!! Y??? Cz of the CONFIDENCE!! Mine have been drain away by my working place. It reali make mi feel so useless and small in everybody's eye. Am i so stupid or because of not enough staff so they didnt take action?? Or am i being sensitive??

I do hate myself at times! The reason only i know. Nobody will know or will understand how i feel.....

17/4/08

Finally,today is my off day! I always look forward to my off day, whereby i can dont bother so much regard to work! It is reali a IDIOT AND ANNOYING THINGS!! Just 2 days ago, which is on tuesday, early morning i kena a stab by sum1 in work. My colleague called up on monday asking mi hw much to charge for a home kit whitening and a tray for patient to bring home and used? As i was not so sure, i just say mayb it $350 or so, bt i say to my colleague that i will ask boss abt it. As monday was damn buzy in the clinic, i hardly gt a chance to ask my boss abt the charges. So i ask my colleague who is working with mi, she also nt sure and inform me to ask boss first! I say ok.

The nxt morning, i get it! I didnt even had a chance to ask my boss, my colleague called up and ask if boss around? I say he had not reach yet. So she called up my boss, askin if the kit cost $350 or wat? As my other colleague told the the patient it's that amount. And inform others that i the 1 who told her the price!!! Can u believe it???? Of cz, my boss question mi. Bt i dont rem that i told thm it's that actual amount as i rem i told my colleague will double cfm with boss!! Indeed at that moment, i reali i so fared up! So i boom my fren hp to vent out my fraustration in a cool way. And i keep quiet by nt saying out the truth cz it wont help, as it will only blow things up!!

My fren asked mi if time could turn back, what will i want to do? The first thing that come out from my mouth is look for a better job! And not staying in this line again!! I regret.

Oh ya, i encounter something on tuesday too,it's nt a bad thing i should say. 1 of my patient who actually went to buy an medicated oil for flu for mi to used. I quite shocked cz the patient actually left the clinic and come back again. I wanted to return the money but patient went off not wanting to collect the money from mi. So paiseh. My colleague make fun of mi. :(

9/3/08

Haiz.. Reali wear my patience out. I don know hw can i contiune workng if reali no one want to employ mi when i finish my part time course in service skills. Take example for today, i confirm with the doc tht shestart work tomolo @ 330pm. She complain to mi tht her cheque is nt being deposit to her account. So i check with my lady boss. She actually have it done, juz tht no time to deposit to the bank. Sum time i reali doubt my working ability.

Immediately i fax the details to her. after checking, she pointed out a mistake tht i made. Immediately i ammend it and refax to her. Thn after, she complain hw come the lab fees so high? My boss rise the prices without letting her noe. And all sort of trouble come in. Even if the staff noe tht the lab fees went up, does tht mean tht the staff have the right to inform the other doc instead the boss do it?

These few days, i been hearing story frm my colleague, tht my boss actually complain to her abt sum staff complaining nt happy workin there. It was thru my other colleague saying to my boss, but it seem like my other colleague didnt complain, if nt sure my colleague will b telling mi. Thn i tink is ............ haiz. A small company already like tht, dont talk about big company.

Ever since my manager on long leave, i reali had a hard time. As she dont record which suppiler, what stock s is being order from? Who to call and order..... if needed to see the invoices, have to wait for lady boss come in and check for us.... Haiz. I struggling. :'(

3th April 08

Finally finished drawing up my resume which i trying to improve. My past resume reali suck. I asked my friend to help by taking a look and correct me if there is any mistake or things to add on. I hope once i have settle the resume, i will start applying online and go thru newspapers. Hope everything goes smooth. I understand that looking for a job that i have no much experience in is nt easy,but i willing to try and learn new thing..... hope the company will grant me a chance for an interview. Althou i am attending course that is related to it.

Yesterday was Huiling Bday. We meet up @ amk to celebrate for her. Well, i must say it is a laughing day for us. From 1 topic, we can actually goes into design of a house, going for a short trip etc.... and of cz "disturbing pple" as well. haha.... that's the fun part! :p I am looking forward to part 2 whereby the rest actually going to buy mahjong table for huiling. hmmm, that seem fun. Then i can learn hw to play mahjong( althou i think i may nt b that clever to pick up the skill so fast.)

27th March 2008

I'm back. Trying to get myself to recover fast frm my flu that been on and off for the 2 days. Started to have flu on tuesday morning, all day long i been sneezing and pass the virus to my doc, who also kena the flu virus from mi. opps!! Hope he recover fast. haha!!

I happy cz later on i going down to causeway point to buy MP3 that i been aiming. hehe. Hope the item that i want is till available. *pray* Will update more whn i get my items. hehe. :)

23th March 2008

Sigh.... Holidays passes so fast! From friday till sunday, juz a blink of eyes..... is over! Monday is coming again. Haiz. Can i pray that time dont pass so fast? I dread of going to work. This is telling mi it's nt a good thing to have such feeling!!

My brain nt working. Shall end here. :(

20th March 2008

I been feeling down, angry and disappointed.Sum thing happen tat reali make me realise it's time to change my job regardless of what. I cant believe having slightly high pay mean that i have to work like hell and cant even have a day off totally? I REALI CANT BELIEVE IT!!! Does that mean if i work frm 9-1pm (used to my offical off day), after work, back hm and goes school. That will be my off day?! Urgh!!! When my colleague told me abt this, i reali feel so angry!! wtf!

I can ustand that my request to have off on mon & tue night is impossible. And another request is to off whn another doc don work on thursday( onli every mth of 2nd n 4th week of thursday.) So i try to work out with them whn sum thing happen before hand. After my colleague help mi to fight for it, thn my boss agree to it. Urgh!!! So my off is on the day whn the doc is nt working. But my pro is nt solved yet. They haven give mi a proper ans whn the doc is working, thn whn is my off day?!

I would like to say thank you to my fren. U guys know who you are. I appreciate a lot. Sum may think i bother too much whereby i shld have juz say quit and hack care. Y shld i bother tht much?! I wish i can be hackcare and juz goes off. I got to think of my commitment on others. B4 i quit, i gt to find a job first.

16th March 2008

Have a short and enjoyable dinner with my friends at yishun northpoint. After doing all my things, i sms serene to ask her abt huiling bday present. Come out with sum idea, send sms to the rest to see what their idea? We shall decide from there. After that, i called my friend, Margret whom working at dhoby ghout at the Macdonald house. She earning quite a lot......
As we are talking.... she asked mi a question? Y are you still hanging in the same area? Y didnt you try to go out? I don understand....... I kept quiet for a while.

I am thinking i do wanted to change, bt nt at the moment, as my colleague is on long leave. Nt sure whn she will be back. I will consider changing once she is back. Will have to see hw it goes.